Recently I have read many articles on men and gender politics. Charlie Sheen and Hugh Hefner are diddling with gorgeous, younger women- several of them at a time. The "womanizer" is a constant staple in mainstream entertainment. Countless movies portray women in relationships with men who really just don't give a damn about them. There are streams of websites to tell women about how the man they are seeing isn't really interested in them for anything more than a plaything. I can't count the amount of articles I have read where the writer advises women to pretend that they are not interested in more than just a fling so that the men don't feel any pressure. My guy friends are always running around with some new girl that they drop at the slightest sign that things may be getting real. I've asked guys I've dated for several months to have a conversation about where things are going and instead of talking they ignore me for a few weeks. It has all gotten out of hand.
All of these influences over the decades have made me feel that only one percent of men are actually interested in a real relationship (the Ted Mosbys if you will.) This, in turn, has lead me to always doubt the true intentions of men. I just assume that I am there: good for now girl. This makes me wonder if he is playing games, not really interested and all sorts of other negative things. And because I have a negative view of what men desire from relationship- I have become very afraid of putting my heart on the line and just allowing myself to trust. This lack of trust has become part of the way I view the world. This in turn has made me a bit of a crazy lady in my current relationship.
In other relationships and with the general public I have been very afraid to put my cards on the table, but here they are: I want love, marriage, and kids. I want to eventually own a home for my family (be it an apartment in the city or a house somewhere else.) I want a team to be on my side at all times. I want a clear answer to the question: emergency contact and I want to be that answer for other people.
This does not make me less strong as a woman! Sure, being alone can be great, but I want to be a part of something more.
Why does our culture promote the notion of being single as the "win" and being settled with a family as the "loss". Being alone does not make you more empowered- it just means that you are alone. I want it to be okay in our society to say that I don't want to be alone.
This is not particularly well articulated, but I wanted to get it off of my chest.
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