Since going back to school I have had a hard time really concentrating. I keep catching myself grabbing my phone to check a text or facebook or to simple scroll through old pictures. While I love modern technology and all that it can do for us, I have found myself increasingly dependent on it for all the wrong reasons. It feels that if I am not communicating with at least one person at all times I get lonely and self having tons of self-doubt. This is very strange to me because I am a person who actually feels better when she gets her alone time. But, something is not allowing me this alone time and it is myself- through modern technology. I used to relish my time alone to think and grow, but now I question myself and wonder why no one is reaching out to me at that given moment. It is a problem and I am going to work on fixing it.
I am a better person when I have time to be off, but it feels like I'm missing something if I allow myself this luxury. There was an old episode of "growing pains" where Krissy doesn't want to go to sleep because she's afraid she'll miss something. That's what my life has become, but what am I afraid of missing? That, I don't know. But, let's be serious- I don't know much. None of us do.
I guess in the end I just miss me. Isn't Valentine's day for spending time with the one who is most special to you? It's about time I start treating myself right. There is no way I would let someone I was in a relationship treat me this way. Nor would I treat someone else this way. So, I'm going to work on doing right by myself...at least for a day.
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