Valentine's Day

So- here it is another Valentine's Day. I know that many of you will think that I am just being pessimistic when I find this to be the day of disappointment, but in the history of me it has been...

I am actually sadly relieved that I am home alone this evening.

It all started when I was in elementary school and I would open up my shoe box covered in construction paper hearts to find nothing save the obligatory folded cartoon card with my name in one box and the name of the person required to give one to me in the other. Maybe I was a naive child, but I always thought that there was a possibility that someone would take that chance to say something especially nice to me. Funny because I was of course far too shy to say anything nice to another kid, but hey that's the boy's job, right? Move on through high school where again I would get my hopes up for some grand gesture and nothing would ever come.

Another fun Valentine's day that I had was my sophomore year of college where I had been with my boyfriend for about six months and I was completely head over heals for him. So, I went out and bought him a nice present and he got me a card. It turned out that he had actually wanted to break up with me at that point- so I guess I was lucky to get the card.

As I grew up Valentine's day continued in much of the same fashion. Me always hoping for some grand gesture- or at least a nice meal out and getting forgotten plans or forgotten all together.

It took me until I was 28 to have someone really make an effort for me on Valentine's Day. It was sweet and thoughtful, but at some point when driving around I got an upset stomach from him smoking in the car. When I asked that he try not smoking while driving for a bit I was taken home immediately. He later came to pick me up for dinner, but barely talked to me the whole time. The next year he was out of town when the holiday came around.

So- here I am still waiting for some grand gesture that will probably never come. What is stupid is that it makes me sad. And if a grand gesture did come I would find it cliche and not really see it for the gesture it is in the first place. Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of Valentine's day! I just think it is one of those things that is destined to disappoint. No matter how many times this day comes to pass I still find myself the little girl looking through the shoe box finding nothing of any real value.