So, today my improv team lost the inferno at the magnet and I didn't get a callback for a Harold team at UCB. Should be bummed, right? But, I actually feel more confident instead. Strange- I know, but it is true.
I am more confident that I love improv, more confident that I love performing with TidbiT, and more confident with myself as a person. It may take a few days to process why I am having this reaction, but I think it may be due to the fact that I am growing as a person- and as an improvisior. I know that I am signifigantly better than I was a year ago and am confident that I will be signifigantly better next year. (With writing I feel the opposit - feel like with each passing year I have more and more trouble forming a sentence on paper.)
Who knows, who I will meet (or more importantly who will get to meet me) this next year- how our paths will cross or innertwine or where my road will lead. In the past I was alway so concerned with getting places I didn't enjoy the journey. I hope this part of me is being sloffed off so the part of me able to live in the present is able to enjoy this life of mine that has so many wonderful things in it.
Why is life in this day and age a competitive sport?
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
Punched in the face
So...thanks to Brad who punched me in the face over skype today.
It's funny how people are always trying to "find themselves" as I don't think anyone can ever be found. I would never want to. If I knew who I was then what would be the point of continuing to live? It would be stationary, decided, and let's face it- boring. Constantly learning, growing and see where the day will take me is what makes life worth living. Also, if I already knew how I would react in a given circumstance why would I want to bother with living the real situation.
Part of me is scared due to the past, afraid that things will turn out the same way. Perhaps they will. Perhaps they won't. I won't know until I live the new situation. I don't want to close doors.
If I was so steadfast in my opinions of the world that I was not open to new ideas I would indeed be close minded. I don't want to close my mind.
If I took it for granted that tomorrow's sun rise will look the same as those I've seen in the past I may miss a spectacular sight. I don't want to close my eyes.
My heart has been broken many times in the past, but I will still let people in. I don't want to close my heart.
When I wake up in the morning and don't feel that I have a grasp of who I am (as I tend to do most mornings) I will celebrate. Not knowing myself may just mean that I am allowing myself to wake up and look upon the world with an open soul.
Or perhaps it just means I need a whole lot of therapy... well, that's a story for another day.
It's funny how people are always trying to "find themselves" as I don't think anyone can ever be found. I would never want to. If I knew who I was then what would be the point of continuing to live? It would be stationary, decided, and let's face it- boring. Constantly learning, growing and see where the day will take me is what makes life worth living. Also, if I already knew how I would react in a given circumstance why would I want to bother with living the real situation.
Part of me is scared due to the past, afraid that things will turn out the same way. Perhaps they will. Perhaps they won't. I won't know until I live the new situation. I don't want to close doors.
If I was so steadfast in my opinions of the world that I was not open to new ideas I would indeed be close minded. I don't want to close my mind.
If I took it for granted that tomorrow's sun rise will look the same as those I've seen in the past I may miss a spectacular sight. I don't want to close my eyes.
My heart has been broken many times in the past, but I will still let people in. I don't want to close my heart.
When I wake up in the morning and don't feel that I have a grasp of who I am (as I tend to do most mornings) I will celebrate. Not knowing myself may just mean that I am allowing myself to wake up and look upon the world with an open soul.
Or perhaps it just means I need a whole lot of therapy... well, that's a story for another day.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
